Rules To Enter Oklahoma funny story

Rules To Enter Oklahoma

The following list of rules applies to each person as they enter Oklahoma. Learn em and remember em.

• Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
• Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
• They are pigs, cattle and oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-
• goes east and west, I-
• goes north and south. Pick one.
• So you have a $60,
• dollar car. We're impressed. We have quarter-million dollar air conditioned tractors. We drive them 3 weeks a year.
• So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
• If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
• Yeah, we eat catfish and crawdads. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
• The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
• We open doors for women. That is applied to everyone, regardless of age.
• No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
• When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Pace Picante Sauce.
• You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
• High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
• Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the water hazards it spooks the fish.
• Colleges? Try O.U. or O.S.U. They come outta there with an education, a love for God, country, and they still wave at a passing pickup when they come home for the holidays.
• There are more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines, Air Force than any other state. "Don't Mess with OKLAHOMA." If you do, it will get your butt kicked by the best.
• When folks in Oklahoma talk about having a PhD they're talking about their Post Hole Digger.
• Always remember what our great governor E.W. Marland once said: "Oklahoma can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Oklahoma."
• Armani suits just don't cut it here. Levis, a stetson hat and roper boots work just fine.
• Yes, we had the bombing, postal workers going beserk, but after all of the problems, we still go to church, salute the flag and honor our veterans. We are America!