Father humor: Notes To The Real Milkman

Notes To The Real Milkman

• "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one."
• "Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk."
• "Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it"
• "Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk."
• "Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks."
• "Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round."
• "When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress."
• "Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last nights Sopranos. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened?"
• My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle."
• "Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me."
• "Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it."
• "From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk."
• My back door is open. Please put milk in fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table because we want to play bingo tonight."
• "Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday...or is it today "
• "When you come with the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk."
• "No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice."