Airplane Maintenance and other funny stories

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Image for Joke: Airplane Maintenance The funniest travel jokes

This is a funny travel joke about airplane and maintenance. We hope you have a laugh - and as always, keep smiling.

I hope you enjoy this funny story - and if you do, why not send it to a friend? If the answer is: "Because I want to keep them" - then that's awesome, too. Keep reading Douglas Adams.

This joke may be considered ADULT and either contains adult themes, bad language, or racially sensitive humour.

Airplane Maintenance

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

P = Problem S = Solution.

P Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
S Almost replaced left inside main tire

P Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
S Autoland not installed on this aircraft

P 2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
S 2 Propeller seepage normal 1 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage

P Something loose in cockpit
S Something tightened in cockpit

P Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
S Evidence removed

P DME volume unbelievably loud
S Volume set to more believable level

P Dead bugs on windshield
S Live bugs on order

P Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
S Cannot reproduce problem on ground

P IFF inoperative
S IFF always inoperative in OFF mode IFF-Identification Friend or Foe

P Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
S That's what they're there for

P Number three engine missing
S Engine found on right wing after brief search

P Aircraft handles funny
S Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious

P Target Radar hums
S Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

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