Funny story about Instructions For Giving Your Cat A Pill

Instructions For Giving Your Cat A Pill

• Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
• Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.
• As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.
• Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
• Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
• Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
• Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
• Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand.
• Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.
• Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
• Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl, and cat from top of wardrobe.
• Call spouse from garden.
• Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws.
• Ignore low growls emitted by cat.
• Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.
• Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
• Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
• Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.
• Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
• Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit.
• Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
• Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, and drink glass of water to take taste away.
• Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
• Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.
• Get another pill.
• Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing.
• Force mouth open with dessert spoon.
• Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
• Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges.
• Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.
• Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
• Ring fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road.
• Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
• Take last pill from foil wrap.
• Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table.
• Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed.
• Force cat's mouth open with small spanner.
• Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak.
• Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
• Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.
• Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table